Did we once... have a joke thread? General Chat

Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by Malka, Jul 27, 2016.

  1. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    Yes, this cropped up on the Beagle group this week. Very funny.
    BTW. Your Tennassee Honey is on offer at Tesco. £22 for the litre size.
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  3. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    CaroleC likes this.
    Thank you for update Carole.
  4. Malka

    Malka Member

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  5. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    This is hilarious but I must warn you it contains a swearword
  6. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    I'm giving up drugs on boxing day. I'm going cold turkey :D
  7. CaroleC

    CaroleC Member

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    Hi Ho Ho.
  8. Malka

    Malka Member

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    Never Argue with a Woman

    One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

    Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

    She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book...

    The peace and solitude are magnificent.

    Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

    He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?

    ‘Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

    'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

    'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

    'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

    For all I know you could start at any moment.

    I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

    'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

    'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

    'That's true, but you have all the equipment.

    For all I know you could start at any moment.'

    'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

    MORAL:

    Never argue with a woman who reads.
  9. Malka

    Malka Member

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  10. Malka

    Malka Member

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    Oops - I missed the complete "joke" :oops:

    It should have shown:
    [​IMG]
  11. Malka

    Malka Member

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    Sensually Subtle

    "Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife.

    "No," I said.

    She gave me a sexy little smile,slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

    "Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.

    "No," I said.

    She gave me another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

    "Now," she said, "Have you ever seen £10,000 pounds all crumpled up?"

    "No," I said, intrigued.

    "Well, go and take a look in the garage."
  12. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    My car has a sat nav that you talk to and it gives you directions. I said 'I'm hungry' and it gave me directions to a restaurant. Then I said 'I'm lonely' and it came back with 'calculating route to Switzerland!'
  13. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    Did you hear about the shoe bomber? He popped his cloggs!
  14. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    I just went to the bank and the cashpoint asked me did I wanna check my balance. So I stood on one leg and it was ok!
  15. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    They say blood is thicker than water, so we have to be nice to family. But custard is thicker than blood, so does that mean we have to be nice to Trifles?!
  16. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    You can take a horse to water, but you can't take it to a discotheque!
  17. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    Do you think before James Bond had a licence to kill, he had a provisional licence to kill? Walking round with L Plates and a duel control gun or something?
  18. Malka

    Malka Member

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    I duz not kerno but since in stoopid o'clock until just now had a frliiiihjyguihjygj ] oh it idbsbsck ----hellyup it i g id back avaava f
  19. BronsonTheBulldog

    BronsonTheBulldog Member

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    I
    I think someone's keyboard is haunted again!!!
  20. Malka

    Malka Member

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    As it is now 4.53am on Monday 22 January, ReminderFox is still telling me Tikki Dindins for 8pm yesterday [Sunday] not yet cancelled - her tether is all over the place and not neatly coiled up...

    ...and there appear to be crutches all over the place [we do not mention the thousands of toys not put away] ...

    ...I think I can say that - yes, something was haunted!
  21. Malka

    Malka Member

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    Hellup peeplliews I I think I had an iixkclwkw umm - I think it went that-awa,

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